


Restraining Free

by vanishedwind



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-24 14:18:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4922857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanishedwind/pseuds/vanishedwind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jongdae came back home for an escape but it didn't seem like it anymore. Trapped and feeling confined, his escape seemed to be leading him to his own prison instead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Restraining Free

Jongdae came back.  
He went back to something that was supposed to be familiar to him. As he looked around, everything seemed normal, just like how he left it 15 years ago. Now that he's at 25, what he thought were massive are now small, what were young are now older. 

As he tipped his hat lower to cover his eyes, he went to walk over to his aunt's house. It was towering over the older tress and it was able to stick out like a sore thumb in the middle of the thick leaves and bushes that surrounds it. 

He doesn't dare knock; instead he pushed it open like it was his home. After coming back from Liber, or more so like after moving and living there, he still feels like the little child who is still welcome in his aunt's house.

"My dear boy," he heard from his left, "You should've knocked. And oh my, why are you wearing a white striped tie in the middle of winter? You know it's not fashionable!"

Jongdae laughed nervously, suddenly conscious of himself. He forgot all the order, the patterns and all those he was taught to do. He loosened his tie but stopped when he heard the noise of disapproval from another voice.

"Oh mother, he just came," his cousin's sweet voice floated like a ringing bell in a church, "he must have forgotten after so long."

Jongdae's face cracked a smile and he walked over to his cousin to invite her in his open arms. Wendy's lips turned up and glided to him.

"My boy, we are having dinner soon," his aunt voiced out from the living room, "We should hurry before the clock ticks at 8 or else, how unconventional would that be?"

\--

Jongdae gave a long story since he wanted to. No matter how powerful her aunt seems to be, he is still a man; someone that has some portion of control over the society.

"There was this woman, she was a charmer," he said dreamily, "I courted her and she even accepted, or so I thought. She led me on and in the end; she led me for so long that I became a follower. I didn't know she was taking me near the edge of the cliff. I was torn in the end when I found out that she was already engaged."

Jongdae chuckled darkly and peppered touches on his lips with the white cloth that was lying on his legs.

"So here I am, back in Catena," he smiled, "Hoping to start afresh and I feel so welcomed even after arriving for just a day."

\--

A few days later, he went to the garden maze. It was massively scary but beautiful. He went in without a thought, wanting to forget his stress, his reality.

He almost thought that going back to where he came from would be easy but he thinks that it's harder than that. All these laws that were taught when he was young were all buried deep down his mind. Even though men like him have some say over opinions, he doesn't have the liberty to do whatever he wants. 

There were some things he refused to mention to his welcoming family. It was how he is able to give his heart to both sex. It was going to be a disgrace once they found out. Jongdae finds it funny how he thinks that what he feels is okay even though he wants to fit in, to be at home.

Home is a haven. Where someone can be themselves but right now, home is just an escape for him.

He heard a sudden crunch of leaves and he snapped his head behind. There was a tall young man, maybe around his age, approaching him with a curious gaze. He seemed familiar but not familiar enough.

"Who are you?" the latter asked.

"Jongdae," he answered nothing more, nothing less.

There was silence between them but there was some stickiness stuck right there. Like the gap, the missing pieces were going together again.

"You're back," a hint of surprise was evident in the light of his voice.

"Yixing?" Jongdae said in disbelief, "I can’t believe it's you and you've changed."

The taller man grinned and both were soon engaged. They were talking and catching up like the old friends they were. They have been caught in a dead end, having to take turns every now and then. The journey was tough but both laughed their irritation off because in the end, they made it out. 

\--

They got back in the house and Jongdae soon found out why Yixing was there in the first place. He was visiting Wendy.

The scent of white lilies surrounded the room once Wendy ran to the tender arms of Yixing. Jongdae frowned but smiled a tad bit later. 

"Oh Yixing, how could you not tell my dear cousin that we're engaged!" she giggled, hiding her blushing face in his arms.

Jongdae told them that it was nothing and how they actually managed to catch up with each other's lives. Wendy jokingly added how she is not part of Yixing's life then since he seemed not to mention her in the sharing. 

Jongdae laughed while Yixing tried to redeem himself.

\--

Jongdae soon knew and gotten along with the people in his caste. Ethnocentrism is something so established in his society that he is afraid to reveal. He doesn’t mind having to walk through Pauper’s Avenue to reach the nearest opera theatre in a short time but he found out that isn’t the way to do it in Catena. Yixing filled him in with the traditions and rules that were full of dust in Jongdae’s mind. They had a great deal of conversation together whenever the latter visited the household ever so often. Wendy would just laugh heartily and brings them tea and some snacks to munch on. 

On a sunny afternoon, Jongdae decided to it is time to go out even though the temperature seemed to drop hastily. While walking through the street to reach the nearest lake that was surrounded by lilies of the valleys, he bumped to a gentleman named Junmyeon. He was of good heart and soft smile that makes anyone charmed by his presence. Jongdae has to admit that he is deeply allured to him.

Junmyeon laughs and talks softly while going to the lake together with Jongdae. The latter decided to accompany him without even asking if he was permitted to go with him. Usually, permission is very important to Castena’s civilisation but Junmyeon seemed to be unperturbed by it.

“I haven’t seen you around here,” Junmyeon said whilst smiling, “Are you here for a visit?”

Jongdae eyes flickered at the golden marigold* for a while before glancing at the black poplar*. Jongdae doesn’t know how to response. He wants to be honest but he just met a stranger that might be his friend. Jongdae doesn’t want to say something wrong because he forgotten what is supposed to be done.

Jongdae, after birds flew across the lake, straightened up and spoke honestly, “I came back from Liber to start anew and get away from the pain.”

Jongdae looked peculiarly at the man beside him, to catch his reaction. Surprisingly, he wasn’t taken aback, instead he smiled with apathy. Jongdae let out a sigh of relief that is almost inaudible. No one needs to know that he doesn’t know what to do; all he wants is for people to accept and welcome him again.

\--

His aunt and Wendy were not present when Yixing came by. Jongdae was sitting near the fireplace, watching it flickering and hearing it cackle. Its intensity and wildness calmed Jongdae into tranquillity that he so dearly missed.

“Why are you looking so lonely?” Yixing asked, going near him but not sitting down.

“I’m not,” Jongdae defended, “I’m just at peace. I don’t need to look happy to be at peace.”

Yixing chuckled and responded, “Peace can be such a lonely thing if obtained alone.”

Jongdae laughs out loud at that.

“Do you suggest it to be obtained with you, then?” Jongdae joked.

The taller lad shrugged and leaves the answer in the air. Some things are best left unanswered especially when something is starting to creak and break. Something so fragile needs to be taken care of, and that’s what Jongdae is trying so hard to do with the live vital organ that is there in his rib cage, trapped and confined.

\--

Jongdae was walking around their garden, around the maze, and then heading towards the sparkling lake that seemed dead and cold. Jongdae smiles a little and sighs. Weeks have passed by quickly that it turned to months. The frozen ice on the lake was starting to melt fast but it’s not fast enough. It feels and looks like it’s still winter. Maybe it still is or maybe it is not. He lost track of time and he doesn’t feel like looking at such things anymore.

Junmyeon became a friend overtime, someone he could confide to when he wants to talk about life and its beauty. Jongdae was glad that he found a friend but at the same time, he saw darkness. Wendy told him the Junmyeon doesn’t wear the right clothes and doesn’t attend parties that were asked of him. People usually greet him out of fear since Junmyeon is a figure in the society. He has extravagant houses and gives the most luxurious dinner parties in Catena.

Junmyeon once held a welcoming party for Jongdae, whom which refused profusely of such offer, but the whole tribe came. It was really surprising to Jongdae but he has come to realise that it was automatic thing for them to do. Junmyeon and his family hold great power, though they are out of order, everyone will give them those doll smiles and goldfish looks just to please them.

Junmyeon, no matter how out of style he seemed to be, is still a very polite man. He was the one to greet the guest in Jongdae’s stead. Jongdae went to the side and just looked around. He saw Yixing and Wendy talking lovingly at each other but this trance was broken when a glass broke somewhere near him. He turned his head and saw a guy whose name was Chanyeol dropped something.

“Let me do it,” Jongdae spoke up and bend down to pick up the shards.

Most of it sliced him and Yixing came running towards his side and told him that he doesn’t need to do that. There are others who were there to do just that.

“Now look at your hands,” Yixing sighs, “Come let us clean them.”

Jongdae wanted to pull away from the touch because it brings him the childhood memories he had with the latter. Such memories gives him too much colours in his simple world, he doesn’t want colours anymore. Yixing didn’t seem to have the same idea in mind, pushing the paint inside him. He gripped Jongdae’s wrist and cleaned the wounds.

“Be careful,” Yixing softly said, smiling at him, “Wendy will worry.”

Something shattered outside the room they were in and Jongdae laugh was breathy.

“Too much breaking in one day,” Jongdae said, flinching when Yixing pressed too hard on a wound.

“Someone else will take those, don’t think about wounding yourself again,” the elder lad warned.

\--

“I’m getting married soon,” Junmyeon said out of nowhere.

Jongdae knew it will happen soon enough, but he was still taken aback. He immediately smiled and congratulated the latter. There goes another friend who has found happiness by his own means.

“She’s really nice and your usual Catena girl,” he elaborated further, “I hope to let you meet her soon enough.”

“Will you really?” Jongdae asked excitedly, “It’ll be a pleasure to meet the girl that captured you.”

"I’m glad that you’re happy for me,” the latter patted his back, “I hope you’ll find your happiness soon.”

He smiled at that and sighed softly. The sun seemed to set much faster today and the night became chillier than usual. He decided it was time to go back to his little cottage beside his aunt’s house and bask in the warmth of the fire that he is now longing for.

\-- 

By the time he opened his house, there was someone playing the piano and he immediately recognised who the player was. The soft touches and little uniqueness in those tone seemed to make blood flow in his veins again.

“Do I not have my privacy anymore?” Jongdae joked.

“I thought I was welcomed anytime,” Yixing replied.

Jongdae let out a burst of laughter. It wasn’t that hilarious but every little thing that he finds joy in, he wants to bath in it. The past few months seemed to be unmoving and it seemed like Yixing was one of the few that helped him through those.

"Have you eaten?” he asked, “I can make some roasted chicken with baked potatoes. I left some chicken marinated before I left and it’s perfect to have them be cooked now.”

Yixing shrugs and accepted the offer. When the latter first knew that Jongdae could cook, he was in absolute disbelief because it was explained to him that there’s no man in Catena that can cook like him. Jongdae swallowed a big gulp of nervousness right then because he was afraid that Yixing would think that he was more unconventional that he already is but the latter found it interesting and actually welcomed it. So he only cooked for the both of them and only them alone, for he knew that if Wendy and his aunt knew about his lifestyle, he’ll be thrown in an hour of lecture which he could hear the tapping of the time to be louder than normal.

Once every plate was set up, both ate together and chatted with each other. Even though the sounds were only clattering of plates and spoons and their voices in the air, it sounded like a music masterpiece to Jongdae. It was one of those sounds that he loves to hear because it was somewhat like oxygen to him.

The twitch and fidgeting of Yixing was evident to Jongdae’s eyes and he frowned at the latter.

“What’s wrong?” Jongdae asked, putting his utensils down and wrapped a hand around Yixing’s.

They say silence is golden but right then, the gold was heavy and burden, suffocating, even. Jongdae squeezed his hands on Yixing’s for reassurance and curled the sides of his lips upwards.

“I’m getting married,” Yixing blurted out, “but I’m not sure anymore, Jongdae.”

Jongdae let the pressure in his hands die down and thought for a moment how marriage is such a labyrinth; you’ll either get lost or find the way.

“Wendy is a very lovely girl,” Jongdae said carefully, “She’s all that any man in Catena would want.”

Jongdae, in his eyes, seemed to notice all the green eyes Yixing had been receiving whenever they attend to watch operas or any parties. Jongdae wouldn’t know what Catena men would look for in a girl since he started to lose interest in any women and has taken a liking for men which is something that has made him have nightmares almost every day. He has taken a liking for men, particularly on one man whose heart has been taken by another woman.

“Yes, she is, isn’t she?” Yixing asked softly, “But it’s hard to contain all the red and all the love I have for her when she’s not the woman that seems to be right for me.”

Gold becomes heavier.

“There’s another?” Jongdae whispered, scared for some reason.

“I don’t know.”

Jongdae took his hand away and took in a huge breath which seemed to hurt his lungs.

“How could you do that to Wendy?” he half-shouted, “Why?”

Jongdae was getting a little worked up- his sweet cousin, getting betrayed by Yixing who was even sweeter than his cousin. He doesn’t know why he’s getting angry. Yixing deserves his happiness too.

“Jongdae,” the latter’s voice wavering, “I’ve never been so unsure with my life.”

When Jongdae met Yixing in that labyrinth, they talked- the melody of their voices filling the confined spaces. One of their conversations was of Yixing’s much threaded path which sounded so sure.

“Jongdae, it’s you.”

Lost in thought, Jongdae almost didn’t catch that.

“You, Jongdae, it has always been you,” Yixing voiced out from a soft sound to a firm one.

Banging of a chair on the floor got the latter jump from his seat. An explosion erupts inside of Jongdae. He doesn’t know if it’s relief or guilt. However, no matter what he feels, reality seems to be a dream. Everything fades and everything is dark.

He feels his back colliding softly against a wall and his breath getting cut short. The sweet taste on his tongue was an addiction that seemed to set everything inside him on fire. Yixing sucked his lips and his breath like his life depended on it. He trailed kisses on the side of his face and left a line of fire which burn so nicely inside him. He could feel hot and moist air against the side of his ears which he desired to feel more.

“You feel the same way right?” Yixing murmurs, kissing and nibbling on his lobes, “Jongdae, you feel it too right? Please tell me you do.”

The pleading and the shake in Yixing’s tone made him grasp his hands harder on the latter’s hair and neck.

“Hold me like you missed me all these years, Jongdae,” Yixing mutters on his lips, “Just like I you.”

Soft touches trailed along his torso and everything screams at him. Everything is wrong and out of order for Catena’s way. But to Jongdae, everything is right. The press of Yixing’s knee on his member made him moan and gasp at the same time- yes, everything feels right.

His shirt was thrown somewhere along their way to his bedroom. Seeing Yixing on top of him, shirtless as he was, and pupils blown wide made him too happy. Everything is bursting, it was too much but Jongdae could handle it. Yixing’s tongue on his hard nipples was something he could handle but not without arching his back to take in more of the latter’s mouth and gripping his hair tightly.

“Yixing, it feels so good,” Jongdae moans with eyes closed, feeling in bliss.

“You deserve everything,” Yixing breathes on his ear.

“And you deserve much more than that,” Jongdae wraps his arms around the elder’s neck while they were rubbing and scraping their clothed hardened members against each other.

Jongdae suckled on Yixing’s neck and everything is wrong but so right. The fingers massaging his insides feel too good to be true. His ecstasy supersedes his guilt but he thinks he deserve his own happiness too because such opportunity doesn’t come every day. The murmurs of Yixing’s confession to him were getting him too close. One movement and he felt something that he didn’t know he would ever feel. He cried out in pleasure and begged for more.

“Yixing, please,” he begged again and again.

Yixing was soft and tender towards him at first, letting him adjust. Jongdae never thought that the latter was that huge but now that he feels it, he felt filled up with so much and he wanted more of it. Yixing started thrusting his hips again but was getting more erratic by the minute. Both of Yixing’s free hand were massaging his nipples and Jongdae was feeling so much. One movement and he felt his prostrate getting hit again and again and again.

“Yixing, ah, yes” Jongdae blabbered.

“You feel so good, so good for me,” Yixing groaned.

Too much, too fast.

Jongdae felt the pressure building around his hardened member and he clenched his muscles harder which build Yixing’s pace at a monstrous speed. Yixing used on of his hand to pump Jongdae’s neglected member and with only few pumps, he reached his climax while screaming the latter’s name.

Yixing followed, groaning Jongdae’s name softly. He fell on top and rolled over the side.

“I love you,” Yixing confessed, “All this time, it’s always been you.”

“I love you too,” Jongdae replied softly but with uncertainty, “but Catena… we will be banished, Yixing.”

“So let’s get out of here,” Yixing offered, “Wendy may hate us but I don’t think I deserve her.”

“I think so too,” Jongdae replied back almost immediately, “She deserve much better than us.”

Sadness filled Jongdae but happiness as well. His teetering feelings were getting his eyes heavy and he heard Yixing murmur before darkness overcame him was, “But we deserve each other.”

\-- 

Days later after packing and gathering the courage to come out of the closet, Wendy was in hysteria. She slapped both of them in the faces and told them to get out of her sight. Jongdae’s aunt looked at them with disgust and disregarded them. They didn’t mind getting sacked out of society; it seemed like Catena worked much better without them.

The surroundings of Catena were much more colourful than when Jongdae arrived. The first bloom of flowers in spring was showing and the colour of the environment coming back to life.

The only person that was there to send them off was Junmyeon who was covering most of his face and saying his goodbye in little short phrases. He said his thanks and went inside the terminal. Music filled both their ears.

“Liber is a nice place,” Jongdae chirped.

“That’s why I’m eloping there with you,” Yixing laughed heartily.

Jongdae rolled his eyes which action was gasped on if he was still in Catena but he felt freer, he never thought that going away from what was supposed to be his escape is going to be his actual escape. Yixing felt the same. Yixing has portrayed the good Catena man he was supposed to show as a spectacle but when Jongdae came, everything seemed to shatter inside Yixing.

“Thank you for coming back,” the elder said while squeezing Jongdae’s hand in their plane seats.

“And thank you for accepting me,” he replied back with a smile.

And off they flew.

**Author's Note:**

> hope u enjoy this little oneshot. it was written for fun and inspired by books i have read. this is unedited and hope you can bear the mistakes. it's rushed but it's just a story i wrote for fun without planning to expand on it so much. thank you !  
> Legend: The places mentioned are translated from Latin  
> Liber- Free // Catena- Restraint  
> *golden marigold- uneasiness // black poplar -courage


End file.
